By Ariana Venecia

“You remind me of James Corden”

• This applies to most men, and if it doesn’t, just pretend it does because “you’re funny in the same way he’s funny!” This also works with Andy from The Office or Justin Beiber.

“Oh, so it’s like Kohl’s Cash?”

• I say this as a joke, but it is truly the only way that I can understand any sort of cryptocurrency. It also tends to upset people. Bonus if you pronounce NFT “nifty”

“You are very emotional right now, and it’s difficult to talk to you when you’re like this…”

• Every time someone uses this against me, I use it against them sometime later. If this isn’t true when you say it, odds are it will be afterward. 

“You’re so funny!”

• Said with a straight face, and with no explanation afterward. 

“I saw that on Pinterest!”

• I love to use this especially when guys show me their current car or their dream car. “Yeah, that’s on my car Pinterest board!”

“Why can’t we print more money?”

• I use this because I also do not understand why we can’t print more money. Isn’t inflation good? I thought economists encourage 2-3% inflation to avoid deflation. Is this technically hyperinflation? Anyway, say this if you want to waste 10-15 minutes. 

“No.”

“(insert any Marvel/DC/Star Wars movie) would make a good musical!”

• I have yet to actually use this, but I can only imagine the insane reaction that it would insinuate.

“It’s weird how fangirls are viewed as crazy, but hardcore sports fans aren’t”

• This is a new question that has been brought up, and every time I mention it, I watch sports fans scramble to unsuccessfully come up with some wild reason on why girls with posters of boy bands in her room are crazy, but men who beat people up over their favorite sports team losing are fine.

“I’m 5’8!”

• I am, in fact, 5’8”, and allegedly so is my mom’s boyfriend, but anytime anyone mentions my height, he gets very defensive and mad at me for lying because I am clearly taller than 5’8” since he is 5’8”. I reckon this works for all men who are 5’8”.

“Isn’t this song from Glee?”

• Now, I’ve never watched Glee, and I don’t know what songs Glee has covered, but I say this whenever a classic rock song comes on over the radio or during class.

“Do you like John Mayer?”

• Whoever it is, they probably don’t like John Mayer or don’t even know who it is, but the thought of being connected to him for no apparent reason is enough.

“Your stocks must be doing poorly today :(“

• I use this to explain whenever a guy is in a worse mood than usual, and it directly connects to the third phrase on this list. 

And don’t worry about a female version of this, because if you want a list of things to say to annoy women, everything you say probably annoys women.